The time has come to accept the fact that I no longer have the time and effort to keep this site running. I couldn't even keep up a month of posting things that were already written. So it's time to close up shop at least for now. But before I go here are a few loose ends of things I never got around to finishing.

During the month of reruns I did post one new item, a photo of a very young me in a Planet of the Apes mask. At the end of the month my plan was to write another post apologizing that I was wearing a mask in the original picture and was going to offer an umasked version. That's my angry face.

The main contributing factor of giving up on my little corner of the digital realm wasn't that I've run out of ideas. I have a text file full of half finished articles. Here are just a few ideas you could have read about if I wasn't so lazy.

If you were to travel back in time to 1984 and ask any young boy what his favorite toys were he might respond with My Little Pony. Of course the more likely and slightly less embarrassing answer would be Transformers. Can you blame him? Those wacky robots were everywhere, toy aisles, televisions, even movie theaters. But did you know you could also find them at the book store?

This little introduction was the kickoff of an in-depth article discussing the differences between the cartoon and comic book versions of Transformers. Considering the purpose of both was to sell toys, it's amazing how different they were.

Growing up in a small town summertime meant one thing. Carnivals. If a school, church or fire company in a three town radius was hosting a carnival you could be sure that's how I was spending my Friday and Saturday nights. The magic wore off as I got older, but no kid could resist the chance at winning some loot. My only obstacle was the actual games.

Carnival games were only the lead in to what I was really planning on talking about, A-Treat soda.

Have you been to Boscov's? Considering it's a Pennsylvania based department store with only a few dozen locations in only a half dozen states I'm guessing you haven't. Let me fill you in on what you're missing out on. It's not because it's a great place to shop. To me Boscov's feels like a relic from an era where department stores ruled the Earth.

If you've never been in a Boscov's and you ever get a change don't miss out. Tacky chandeliers, neon signs everywhere, and a full sized candy department are just a few of the wonders you'll witness.

Farmers market. Those two words generally fail to conjure any excitement in most people. The image that comes to mind is of dilapidated wooden stands manned by even more dilapidated people selling things most people wouldn't even dig out of the trash. They're the kinds of places most people avoid. Those people haven't been to Zern's.

I was on a bit of a local pride kick for a while if you can't tell from the last three excerpts. I grew up right down the street from Zern's and calling it a farmers market doesn't even come close to describing why I didn't mind the Saturday morning shopping excursions that would take me away from my precious cartoons.

Things change. It's a fact of life you just learn to accept. Change is a little easier to accept now that practically anything you can think about is well persevered in digital deep freeze just waiting for your Google search, but growing up change was a force of evil especially when it came to amusement parks.

This one goes out to all the rides that are no longer with us, from local favorites Hersheypark's Coal Cars and Dorney Park's Journey To The Center Of The Earth to the well known Disney World's 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea.

There have been quite a few video games based on the Simpsons. Some were not very good. Most were terrible.

Actually, I think this one may have been finished.

Finally, let me leave you with this bit of knowledge. I don't know what it means or what I was going to do with it but I like the sound of it.

crafting miniature replicas of seaworthy vessels constrained in glass containers

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

0 adventurers found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : announcements

Twenty years ago, if someone had told me the future would be filled with reality television I would have told them, "I love that movie too!" I'm talking of course about that classic Arnold Schwarzenegger movie The Running Man. You've never seen it? Turn you television on right now. I can almost guarantee it's playing on at least one channel right now. The odds are even better if it happens to be Saturday afternoon. And I can absolutely guarantee that you'll see it if you go out and rent it.

This article won't be your typical movie review, but allow me to give you a brief synopsis in case you're one of the five people that have never seen the movie. It takes place in the future where the United States had become a military state where the government rules through force and television. The television lineup primarily consist of game shows with the most popular being The Running Man, where convicted felons are given a chance to win their freedom and other assorted prizes if they can survive by the Stalkers.

The current Governor of California plays Ben Richards, the next contestant to appear on the show which is hosted by Damon Killian played by none other than Family Feud's Richard Dawson, who is either a terrific actor or years of hosting the Family Feud have left him a mean and bitter man. While there is no doubt Killian is the villain of the film, he doesn't make much of a physical challenger to Arnie. That is where the Stalkers come in. Let's take a look.

Name: Professor Sub-Zero
Professor Of: Unknown
Favorite Weapon: Hockey stick with a sharpened metal blade
Method Of Transportation: Ice skates
Most Memorable Yell: "Yeahargh!"
Manner Of Death: Garroted with barbed wire
Snarky Comment About Death: "He was a real pain in the neck."
Notes: Like the rest of the Stalkers Sub-Zero seems to be a conglomeration of mismatched themes, in this case, an ice skating, hockey playing sumo wrestler. It's also never explained what he's a professor of. I can imagine him teaching world history at some community college.

Name: Buzzsaw
Appearance: Buldging-eyed maniac
Favorite Weapon: Chainsaw
Method Of Transportation: Motorcycle
Only Line: "I love this saw. It's a part of me. Now I'm gonna make it part of you."
Manner Of Death: Chainsaw to the groin
Snarky Comment About Death: "He had to split."
Often Confused With: That Transformer that changed from a cassette tape into a bird
Notes: Played by an actor whose first name was Bernard. No wonder he looked so mad.

Name: Dynamo
Lovechild Of: Luciano Pavarotti and a Lite-Brite
Favorite Weapon: Force Lightning
Method Of Transportation: Futuristic Shriners car
Most Wimpy Line: "I'm stuck. Somebody help me! Cut, cut. Go to commercial."
Manner Of Death: Electrocuted by a short circuit due to sprinkler incident
Credited Writer That Forgot To Include A Snarky Death Comment: Steven E. de Souza
Possible Snarky Comment That Could Have Been Used: "That was shocking."
Notes: Unlike the rest of the Stalkers Dynamo wasn't killed during the actual game show. Instead he met his end during the film's climax when the underground resistance stormed the television studio.

Name: Fireball
Hairstyle Looks Like: Skunk-skin cap
Favorite Weapon: Flamethrower
Method Of Transportation: Jetpack
Manner Of Death: Flare ignited his leaking gas tank backpack
Snarky Comment About Death: "What a hothead."
Possible Endorsement Deals: Reynolds Wrap Aluminum Foil
Notes: Fireball was another Stalker that begged for a commercial break before his demise. I'm not sure what that would have accomplished. Maybe he was confusing a commecial break with a time out. Flares wait for no one.

Name: Captain Freedom
Status: Retired
Played By: Jesse Ventura
Real Life Status: Former Govenor of Minnesota
Favorite Weapon: His bare hands
Method Of Transportation: Foot power
Manner Of Death: He didn't die.
Most Confusing Plot Point: He killed a stunt double the network made to look like Ben Richards in order to fool the audience into thinking the contestant had finally been killed.
Possible Comeback Costume: Some sort of robot?
Notes: With both Jesse Ventura and Arnold Schwarzenegger in this movie I'm surprised it wasn't re-released under the tag line: This movie has more state Governors than any other, except Predator, which has an equal amount.

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

1 adventurer found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : movies

I never really thought about how violent the mascots for kid's drinks were. Kool-Aid Man's extensive property damage is nothing compared to the antics of the star of today's article. Punchy's sole purpose in life was to shill Hawaiian Punch. He'd approach people with a tall glass of the refreshing beverage in hand and ask "How about a nice Hawaiian Punch?" It seems innocent enough since after all he does have a glass of the punch in question. The victim invariably agrees. Instead of quenching their thirst Punchy cracks them in the skull. It's not clear that Punchy is of Hawaiian descent so I'm not too sure about the Hawaiian component of his punch. Maybe Hawaiians have a special technique they use when punching people that Punchy has learned to master. In any case Punchy is the anti-Trix Rabbit of the mascot world.

I can't lie. I was never a big fan of Hawaiian Punch but not because I was afraid that people would hit me when I asked for it. My biggest concern was the name. Fruit Juicy Red. Red is not a flavor. On top of that an examination of the ingredients reveals that none of the juicy red fruits included in that variety of Hawaiian Punch were neither red nor produced red juice. Why am I writing about an abusive mascot and drink I didn't like? Because together they produced one of the best games of my childhood.

It doesn't seem like a game designed to advertise something would be any fun, but Hawaiian Punch The Game is an exception. Honestly I can't be sure that's true since the only other product sponsored board game I know of is the K-Mart Blue Light Special game and I've never played it. Maybe it's fun too. I can bet it doesn't have Play-Doh though.

Actually it wasn't really Play-Doh but a harder-clay like substance. At the start of the game players shaped their wad into a pineapple token using the mold designed to look like a can of Hawaiian Punch. Not a soda can but one of those two quart metal cans that you had to poke a hole in to pour the juice out. Do they even make containers like that anymore? Anyway, in addition to the squishy pineapple each player also received a matching colored plastic Punchy figure. This is important.

Gameplay was your standard kid's game of spinning, moving, and following any directions on the space. What sets it apart is what happens on those unlabeled squares. Each space corresponds to one of the player's colors. Land on someone else's color and they get to powerfully pound your poor pineapple with their plastic Punchy. Hooray for alliteration. When you only play with two people it isn't bad since the unused colors become safe havens, but with four people playing everyone winds up moving flat shapeless blobs around the board.

Apart from the spaces that direct you forward or back two squares, there are two other types of instructional spaces. The first is remold and just like it sounds allows you reshape your flat piece of clay back into its pineapple shape. The other is size check and its true purpose, like my instructions booklet, is lost. I do remember that there is a penalty if you land on a size check space and your piece extends beyond the size of the square. I don't remember if it's simply moving back so many spaces or the dreaded return to start.

Overall Hawaiian Punch is a fun game. I liked it as a kid and it stood the test of time when we dusted it off during a recent holiday gathering, which is more than I can say about the Tetris board game. If you wind up playing with a group of adults I'd suggest implementing a rule that Punchy can't be over two inches above the target before the player starts smashing.

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

1 adventurer found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : food, toys

There is a fire burning in the heart of Pennsylvania. That's not a metaphor about a town of hardworking people. It's a literal fire, the kind that has been known to attack the pants of liars. The fire has taken up residence in the small town of Centralia. The name may sound strange and made up but it's really no different than Australia only with Centra's replacing the Austra's. I'm not sure what an Austra is but a Centra is a misspelled version of a car from Nissan. I doubt you'd find any in Centralia though.

I've never been there but I'd like to imagine a large sign on the outskirts of town welcoming me to Centralia. Underneath would be a smaller sign with displaying the current population, which over the years has been marked out again and again and now reads 18. There isn't a missing zero. The town's population is a meager eighteen souls. Where did everyone else go? They left. Fire doesn't make the friendliest neighbor.

You would think a fire that almost managed to wipe out an entire town would get national news coverage. If the destruction happened over a shorter time frame it might have, but the fire is older than I am. In fact it just celebrated its 44th birthday this year.

The year was 1962. The town's dump was located in an abandoned strip mine next to Odd Fellows Cemetery. In preparation of the upcoming holiday when a lot of the residents visited the gravesites, the trash was set on fire in order to suppress the stench. The fire was put out and a fresh load of dirt was spread on the ashes. Since I've already given away the ending of the story you can probably guess that the fire wasn't really out. But what problems can smoldering ashes under a layer of dirt cause?

Centralia had been a coal mining town at one point in its history but the tunnels has been long abandoned by the 60's. A few had been exposed by the strip mine which was now the home of the town's dump, but the exposed tunnels were to be filled up incombustible material before the mine could be used as a trash hole. Most were. But one wasn't. The fire found it's way into the tunnels and more importantly the remaining coal.

Many different plans were tried but nothing was able to stop the fire. By the 80's most of the residents had been relocated in order to avoid deadly gas that was seeping into their homes. The abandoned buildings were torn down but a few still remain. The small town becomes even smaller and the fire still burns.

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

0 adventurers found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : places