Without a doubt Mario has jumped his way to being the top hero of the video game world, but the climb wasn't easy, even for one with fiery flowers and magical capes at his disposal. After some extensive research, I've gathered the truth behind Mario's rise to fame, which is presented here for the first time. Interviews with friends and family will portray the struggles that our hero has faced.

What better place to begin than the beginning. Born on a cold and stormy night, it seemed fate knew what was in store for this new baby. Doctor Malamar remembers the delivery well.

"I've delivered lots of babies, but none stand out more than Mario. I've seen my share of babies born with a full head of hair, but he came out with a full-grown mustache. None of the other doctors or nurses has seen anything like it. I knew right then this kid was going to have a hard time through life, which was only reinforced when his parents named him. I presented the baby to the parents and asked if they had a name yet. Their response was 'Mario', so I felt I needed to clarify myself. 'I know he'll have your last name. I was asking about his first name,' I told them. 'Mario is his first name,' came their reply. I really took pity on that poor baby then. What kind of sick twisted sense of humor leads to someone naming their child Mario Mario?"

What king of monster indeed. Mario M. Mario, yes, even his middle name was Mario, grew up to be the prime target of schoolyard bullies. Even though they made his childhood a living nightmare, it was here that he learned the skills that eventually brought him fame and fortune. Whether it was dodging rocks aimed for his skull or jumping from tree to tree, Mario pushed himself to the limit to escape his tormentors. When escape wasn't an option, he often used bribery, giving the bullies the change he had found in exchange for his freedom.

After years of punishment Mario could finally take no more. He decided to drop out of school and hope the real world would treat him better. Without an education, Mario was forced to take whatever he could find and eventually ended up working on a construction crew. His foreman, George, remembers his fantastic abilities and the incident that lead to his dismissal.

"I wish all my workers could be like Mario. That guy knew how to walk the steel. He was all jumpin' and climbing and dodging. It was amazing. But then the incident happened. I came in early to find the whole site practically demolished and there was Mario with some floozy in a torn dress. It seems Mario brought his new girlfriend to the job site for some late night skyscraper action if you know what I mean. From what I understand some giant ape escaped from the zoo and happened upon the lovers. Instead of alerting the authorities Mario decided to take matters into his own hands. Sure he got the job done, but months of work were destroyed. Not to mention the giant smelly ape corpse I had to deal with. I had no choice but to give Mario the boot."

Jobless, Mario soon found himself spiraling into the depths of depression. He blamed the ape for his problems and grew paranoid that there were other apes out there waiting to further ruin his miserable life. With the last of his money Mario outfitted himself for a jungle expedition to hunt down as many apes as possible. Armed with giant cages and wind-up traps, he found it wasn't going to be as easy as he thought. Mario didn't account for the strong sense of community in the ape kingdom. For each ape he captured there was always a younger ape that was willing to risk his life for a daring rescue.

Out of food, out of traps and out of patience Mario returned to the city. With nowhere to turn Mario sought help from his only brother, Luigi. Having started his own successful plumbing company, Mario was hoping with his previous construction skills he could give his brother a hand. Luigi looks back to those days with regret.

"At first I was happy to help my brother out of a jam. I know things haven't been easy for him, so I figured I'd give him a try and in the beginning it was great. The mistake was changing the company name to Mario Bros. Plumbing. I was hoping to cash in on people that love to support family run businesses, but people started thinking my brother ran the company and that it was named after him. It bad enough my name is Luigi Mario, but now people are beginning to think Mario is the head of my own company."

"But I tried to put it all aside since we managed to get a big contract from the city. They needed a crew to go into the sewers and handle any issues with the pipes. I figured it would be simple stuff, a clog here, a leak there. Instead I find out the city has a massive animal control problem in the sewers. There was all kinds of crazy stuff down there. Turtles, crabs, and giant insects were all over the place. Not to mention the combustible gasses that would occasionally flare up. It was crazy but we kept at it."

Then one day more than animals came out of the pipes. Mario started to hear voices. Voices that were crying out for a savior. The brothers argued for some time about whether or not to investigate. Luigi was all too familiar with things that lurked in pipes, especially in the sewer, but Mario stubbornly held out until the only thing the other brother could do was follow along.

The brothers emerged from the pipe to find themselves in a strange new world. A world that would not only test all the skills Mario had learned so far, but also bring him fame and fortune. Fighting his way through horde of creature the likes of which he had never seen before, Mario headed for the castle he could see on the horizon. Though bottomless pits, underground caverns, giant mushrooms and even lava pools stood in his way, Mario came face to face with the castle's dread master. A terrible foe with the hard shell of a turtle with a dragon's ability to shoot fire, but it was no match for Mario's prowess. Deep within the castle Mario found the source of the voices he had been hearing. Toad, the mushroom retainer, remembers the rescue well.

"I sure was glad to be out of that sack. I smelled like old potatoes for a week. Anyway, I remember Mario getting all upset because while I told him the princess was in another castle I said I wasn't sure which one. In reality I knew which castle it was but I wanted to make sure he helped the other retainers first. I mean what's the big idea stuffing us in a sack."

Six other retainers later Mario stormed Bowser's castle where he believed the princess was being held prisoner. Everyone knows the final outcome, but after years of silence Bowser tells his side of the tale.

"Your wedding day is supposedly the happiest day of your life. At least it is if you don't have an arranged marriage. I didn't want to marry some pink squishy thing anyway, but my parents kept going on and on about the joining of the Koopa Kingdom and the Mushroom Kingdom and blah, blah, blah. Then those stupid little retainers started causing a ruckus. I guess they had a little too much to drink before they showed up, so we stuffed them into sacks and shipped them out of there so the wedding could get started. The next thing I knew there is this guy with a funny mustache challenging me to a fight. Let me tell you I can still remember the stench of that guy. It was like he just crawled out of the sewer or something. Anyway, I would have won if he hadn't flipped the switch to the drawbridge and run off like a coward. He can have the princess for all I care, but no one drops Bower into a pool of lava. We've had our little feud ever since."

Now the self-proclaimed protector of Mushroom Kingdom, Mario found the fame and respect he couldn't get in the real world, but now you know the difficult road that lead to it, which some might consider the rest of the story.

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

0 adventurers found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : video games