Last week I mentioned a top secret project in the works. I'm sure you assumed it would never appear and I would never mention it again in hopes that you'd eventually forget all about it. Today is the day I prove you wrong. In a never-ending attempt at finding my niche in life I've decided to see how the title musician fits me.



I'll admit it's all very DIY at this point but it's a start. With the power of the internet anything could happen. If the right person happens to hear my stuff something bigger might come my way. To be honest though, I'm not really expecting much to come out of it other than the experience of trying.

I'm still working on getting some song samples together, but I wanted to get the track list out there and talk a bit about it to help build some anticipation. Look for the samples and probably a shameless self promoting myspace page sometime next week.



Before I get into talking about the tracks let me say my musical style is what you might call extremely experimental. It's probably less music and more performance art. I expect 90% of people to call it garbage and deem it not even worthy of using the CD as a coaster. So let me dedicate this to that other 10%.

but do not forget - The idea behind this track is what inspired me to put a whole album together. I was cleaning the basement when I came across my old Simon. Anything to get out of cleaning I started to play. After a while it hit me that this would make an interesting song. It took me a few play-throughs to find sequence that was musically interesting. The end result is a sort of a dueling banjos feel. Was I able to beat the machine? You'll have to listen to find out.

tears over old griefs - A lot of the tracks are a combination of simple melodies juxtaposed with spoke words or real life sounds. Here a sad tune is combined with sounds of water, from single drips building to trickling streams and culminating with a raging waterfall.

of its ugly side - I tried to experiment a bit with a kind of musical evolution. I would write two short pieces that were quite different and then try to work my way from one to the other. Here a pleasant uplifting piece devolves into something that grates the ears, but the change is slow and subtle that is put both pieces into a new light.

even in his silence - This is probably one of my favorite tracks. A friend and I sat down to hold a fake improvised interview. I then stripped out all of my friend's responses leaving only my questions and reactions. It's interesting how people interpret the silence.

acquaintance, or a stranger - Familiar songs played in unfamiliar ways. To say anymore would ruin the surprise.

exactly fits the newspaper - Some might tell you a crumpled newspaper is not an acceptable instrument. I say those people aren't trying hard enough.

enough to rule others - How far would people go if you said "Simon says" in front of all of your commands? Probably not as far as the things in this dark track, but the wartime march/propaganda tune is pretty catchy though.

you can do today - Another fun track. I headed to the nearby grocery store with a micro cassette recorder and asked people to recite some of the items off of their shopping list. I was surprised with the number of people that went along with the idea unfortunately one of the ones that didn't ratted me out and the manager who asked me to leave. Luckily I caught it on tape for the perfect ending to the track. The store's piped in muzak makes an interesting backdrop of sound.

facts are stupid things - A simple tune backs some neighborhood kids reading some of the more strange (and untrue) items from snopes.com, a great urban legend reference site.

thorns, don't go barefoot - Prickly is the best way to describe the music of this track, which is interspersed with friends and family giving me their most convincing "Ouch." Those that weren't convincing enough got pinched. They should have tried harder the first time. Papapishu!

larger experiences of life - Another evolutionary track. From birth to the grave I tried to capture the important moments in life. It's harder to do than you think in three minutes and forty-nine seconds.

come back from it - You won't be able to tell from listening to it, but I probably spent the most time on this track. I focused all my "talent" into creating the best song I could. Then I revered the whole thing. I probably should have listened to it reversed as I was putting it together but like everything else it was a learning experience.

So there you have my first step into a new world. The samples should be up shortly and soon after that I plan to have CDs available for purchase.

If you actually managed to read this far you're probably wondering if I've gone crazy. The answer is yes, but not the way you think. I'm sorry if it comes as a disappointment but I have no forthcoming album. I was actually taken by an internet meme, something I've managed to avoid all this time. The meme is to create a CD cover and the rules are simple.

1. The first article title on this page is the name of your band.
2. The last four words of the very last quote on this page is the title of your album.
3. Finally, the third picture here, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4. (Optional) Using the rule from #2 above, create a track list of 12 songs.

Once I got started I got a bit carried away and you can see the end result. After having written all this if I had any musical talent at all I'd actually consider making this into an actual album. Maybe I should anyway. I might be sitting on the next big internet hit.

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

11 adventurers found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : music

Kid shows are a dime a dozen, but how do you measure their true success? By the number of toys? In most cases the toys come first in the creation process. The true measure of success is having a music album, whether it's the disco stylings of Sesame Street Fever or the new wave waves of Chipmunk Punk. No, I did not just make those up.

Using this theory it should come as no surprise that there is a CD out there with Ren & Stimpy's faces on it. They soared to popularity in the early 90's, teaching teenagers to love cartoons again, and that not all toons need to be a thirty minute commercials or involve dropping anvils on people's heads. The show has a turbulent past that I won't get into today. Instead it's all about the music and an in-depth review of all twenty-one tracks of You Eediot!

The Whistler / Overture - In the introductory track Stimpy pleads with Ren to listen to his new record with all his favorite songs. Amazingly enough Stimpy's new purchase is the album we're already listening to. I'm not sure if this is meant to lure the listener into thinking they are listening along with the duo, or if it's some strange time paradox.

Dog Pound Hop - This is an extended version of the opening theme song for the show. Or maybe the theme song is a shortened version of Dog Pound Hop. In either case, this song is also used during the big party scene at the pound in the first episode, Big House Blues. I put a party hat on my dog in an effort to see if he'd start dancing to its rhythmic beat, but he just sat on the couch licking himself.

Muddy Mudskipper Theme - Who's the greatest mudskipper of them all? Since I only know one, Muddy, he wins by default. This is another song that actually came from the show, so any regular viewers probably have it stuck in their head by now. He's got segmented eyes.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy - If you know only one Ren & Stimpy song it's probably this one. Had I been an elitist snob I probably would have turned my nose up and the influx of new fans that were lured in by this catchy tune. Who am I kidding? I did turn my nose up at them. Just a little. Without them though there probably wouldn't have been half of the merchandise that made it to the shelves and I never would have learned the joy a plush Stimpy with a whoopee cushion inside can bring.

Firedogs - Finally the first mostly original track appears. I say mostly since the song has never appeared in an episode, but the majority of the song is quotes from the Firedogs episode peppered with lyrics that warn, "watch out for those firedogs." Meh.

Better Than No One - This is an original song. It starts out as a tap dance number and quickly becomes a duet where the pair declares their friendship. At least Stimpy does by claiming no one is better than Ren. Ren on the other hand can only label Stimpy as better than no one. Sort of like this CD so far. It's better than silence.

Nose Goblins - I'm not even sure how to describe this one. Singing boogers. That's the best I can do. The music sounds like something you'd hear in a dark club where everyone is wearing berets and snapping their approval.

Smokin' - It's more of the same jazzy style music from Nose Goblins without all the pesky lyrics. If heard on it's own there would be no way anyone would associate this song with Ren & Stimpy. We're barely half way though and I'm not sure how much more I can take.

Log Blues / Log Theme - Whoever decided the track order for this album was a genius. After almost fifteen minutes of garbage, this ray of light shines through. It's an ad for International Log complete with the Log jingle, which was just a rip off of the old slinky jingle.

Captain's Log / Space Madness - When you title a song after what has to be one of my favorite episodes my expectations are going to be pretty high. Instead I'm presented with a song similar to Firedogs. Music, very similar to Dog Pound Hop, plays while quotes from the episode are heard. The quotes do include Ren's rambling about his ice cream bar, which in reality is a bar of soap, but they leave out the part where he take a giant bite out of it.

Sven Theme - It's another music/episode quotes track. This one is actually above average though since the music is completely different from anything heard so far. It's polka. Could you expect anything less from a name like Sven? Most of the quotes involve Stimpy goofing around with Ren's idiot cousin, Sven. While the quotes come directly from the episode, without the corresponding visuals lines like "Wow, it's so big." and "Do you want to see mine?" feel a bit creepy.

Sven Blues - This is little more than an introduction for the next song. Sven and Stimpy spend their rainy day digging though the closet for something to play. They come up with...

Don't Whiz On The Electric Fence - I don't remember if this jingle was actually in the episode, but if it was I know it wasn't the complete song presented here. When only the best in toilet humor will do, be sure to choose Ren & Stimpy.

Ren's Pecs - Stimpy sings about missing his friend now that Ren has his fancy pectoral implants and has moved to Hollywood. It's creepily sad.

I'm Gonna Be A Monkey - Another catchy tune that did make it to air at least in part. I don't remember why they disguised themselves as monkeys but Stimpy is excited about the lessons Ren is about to give on how to be a monkey. How did Ren become an expert on monkeys? He's seen every Tarzan movie ever made.

Filthy's Dance - I don't know why these weren't all one track, but this is a continuation of the monkey song. Ren begins his lesson by showing Stimpy how to swing around like a monkey. Unfortunately Ren's no monkey and finds himself crashing to the floor, or maybe into a wall, the sound effect doesn't clarify.

Jungle Boogie - No, Kool & The Gang haven't found their way onto a kid's album. This track is Stimpy chance to imitate Ren's fancy monkey maneuvers complete with a crash at the end.

Dizzy Monkey - A short reprise of Gonna Be A Monkey by a dizzy Ren and Stimpy. So ends the monkey saga.

Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksman - This was the next big song at the time this album came out. I don't think it ever found the amount of popularity that Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy did, but they tried.

The Whistler / Underture - Similar to the Overture, this is another talking track. In a throwback to the closing scenes from some of the early episodes, Ren and Stimpy are saying goodbye, with Stimpy getting upset. To make him feel better Ren suggests he could listen to the record again. I think I'll sit this one out.

Big House Blues - It's an extended version of the credits song from the show. I'd like some credit that I made it through this whole thing.

Was it really that bad? It's nothing more than I'd expect from an album from a show that only has a handful of memorable songs. Granted all those songs are on there, but it's the filler that drags everything down. If you need to be able to hear Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy over and over again, though, I would highly recommend it.

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

0 adventurers found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : music, television

I have a confession. I like commercials. Not because I'm a good consumer, but because I like to be entertained. A lot of advertisers have given up on actually trying to sell their product with good reason. Most people don't rush out to the store after watching a commercial. The only ad in recent memory that affected my buying habits was for Quizno's and it wasn't because they showed tasty subs. It was because my television was possessed by creatures of inexplicable origin. That's the point of commercials today. Thirty seconds with which to fill the viewer with such confusion that they stumble off in a daze and hopefully buy the product in question.

Nothing exemplifies this process more than the following. I'm sure you probably remember it. A man and a woman are in an elevator and as they sneak peaks at each other their eyes meet. Music swells and we're given a glimpse of their possible courtship, wedding, honeymoon, and first child. The elevator doors open and they go their separate ways. It should be obvious by now that the ad is for pants, but the part that stuck with me was the music. My brain ends up being a vast repository of catchy ad tunes that tend to haunt my days until a new one settles in and this song was no exception. Unfortunately I live under a rock which happens to be located in a cave so I didn't know the song was I Think I Love You, and eventually like the commercial it just faded from memory.

Then one day the song reappeared on my radio. Only this time it was not so subtly different. The horns, the singer, and the fact that it was three time faster than the original could only mean one band was behind what I was hearing: Less Than Jake. Not to take away from their excellent original material, but to me they are the reigning cover champions. I doubt there is a song in existence that they couldn't make at least tolerable if not even enjoyable. But I can't help but wonder if there would be any competition for my imposed title. Let's take a look. Here is a list, in no particular order, of covers by other bands that may or may not have what it takes to dethrone the champs.

Mighty Mighty Bosstones - Sweet Emotion
To me this exemplifies what a makes a good cover. Lure the listener in with an opening similar to the original before unleashing the mutant beast your cover has become on their eardrums. Although it seems radically different at first the original starts to show through on subsequent listenings. It's still pure Bosstones though.

Dooms UK - Paranoid
Thanks to thousands of hours spent playing Rock 'N Roll Racing on the SNES two things are forever burned into my brain: the opening guitar from Paranoid and the phrase "Olaf unleashes hot fury!" The fact that this cover has no mention of Olaf is a huge disappointment, but that the opening is dutifully recreated almost makes up for it. Then the accordions start. No, I'm serious. Paranoid. Polka. They both start with the letter P so it's easy to see why they were a natural combination.

Rancid - Bob
When I saw a CD that had a bunch of tracks from Rancid and NOFX I thought why do I need this when I already have most of these songs. When I found out it was a CD of them covering each others songs, I knew I had to have it. I still haven't gotten around to buying it, but two of the tracks managed to make it on a compilation. While I like NOFX more, Rancid pulled off the better cover. Maybe it's just better since it's a NOFX song.

So, do any of these other bands have what it takes to take home the title of cover champions? Would any group really want that title? Probably not. Had any other band done covers of both the theme song for Gilligan's Island and The Dukes of Hazard I'd have to give it to them, but Less than Jake is the only one to fill that criteria. Their reign continues.

Update:
Having written this long before YouTube exploded in popularity I was disappointed that I couldn't find the commercials I was talking about so I could provide a link or at least some screen captures. Now it seems that there isn't much left that can't be found on the Internet. Here they are:

Quizno's "We Love The Subs" Commercial

Quizno's "Coupon" Commercial

Levi's "Elevator Fantasy" Commercial

Links to the covers are a bit trickier since the best I can find are just 30 second clips. It's hard to judge something in 30 seconds, but at least it gives you an idea.

Less Than Jake's "I Think I Love You" Cover

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones' "Sweet Emotion" Cover

Rancid's "Bob" Cover

Also, I've discovered how wrong I was to believe Less Than Jake were the kings of covers. The true title belongs to the Me First & The Gimme Gimmes. If you can withstand 30 seconds of these and not enjoy yourself then, uh, I guess we have different tastes in music.

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

1 adventurer found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : commercials, music