I have a confession. I like commercials. Not because I'm a good consumer, but because I like to be entertained. A lot of advertisers have given up on actually trying to sell their product with good reason. Most people don't rush out to the store after watching a commercial. The only ad in recent memory that affected my buying habits was for Quizno's and it wasn't because they showed tasty subs. It was because my television was possessed by creatures of inexplicable origin. That's the point of commercials today. Thirty seconds with which to fill the viewer with such confusion that they stumble off in a daze and hopefully buy the product in question.

Nothing exemplifies this process more than the following. I'm sure you probably remember it. A man and a woman are in an elevator and as they sneak peaks at each other their eyes meet. Music swells and we're given a glimpse of their possible courtship, wedding, honeymoon, and first child. The elevator doors open and they go their separate ways. It should be obvious by now that the ad is for pants, but the part that stuck with me was the music. My brain ends up being a vast repository of catchy ad tunes that tend to haunt my days until a new one settles in and this song was no exception. Unfortunately I live under a rock which happens to be located in a cave so I didn't know the song was I Think I Love You, and eventually like the commercial it just faded from memory.

Then one day the song reappeared on my radio. Only this time it was not so subtly different. The horns, the singer, and the fact that it was three time faster than the original could only mean one band was behind what I was hearing: Less Than Jake. Not to take away from their excellent original material, but to me they are the reigning cover champions. I doubt there is a song in existence that they couldn't make at least tolerable if not even enjoyable. But I can't help but wonder if there would be any competition for my imposed title. Let's take a look. Here is a list, in no particular order, of covers by other bands that may or may not have what it takes to dethrone the champs.

Mighty Mighty Bosstones - Sweet Emotion
To me this exemplifies what a makes a good cover. Lure the listener in with an opening similar to the original before unleashing the mutant beast your cover has become on their eardrums. Although it seems radically different at first the original starts to show through on subsequent listenings. It's still pure Bosstones though.

Dooms UK - Paranoid
Thanks to thousands of hours spent playing Rock 'N Roll Racing on the SNES two things are forever burned into my brain: the opening guitar from Paranoid and the phrase "Olaf unleashes hot fury!" The fact that this cover has no mention of Olaf is a huge disappointment, but that the opening is dutifully recreated almost makes up for it. Then the accordions start. No, I'm serious. Paranoid. Polka. They both start with the letter P so it's easy to see why they were a natural combination.

Rancid - Bob
When I saw a CD that had a bunch of tracks from Rancid and NOFX I thought why do I need this when I already have most of these songs. When I found out it was a CD of them covering each others songs, I knew I had to have it. I still haven't gotten around to buying it, but two of the tracks managed to make it on a compilation. While I like NOFX more, Rancid pulled off the better cover. Maybe it's just better since it's a NOFX song.

So, do any of these other bands have what it takes to take home the title of cover champions? Would any group really want that title? Probably not. Had any other band done covers of both the theme song for Gilligan's Island and The Dukes of Hazard I'd have to give it to them, but Less than Jake is the only one to fill that criteria. Their reign continues.

Update:
Having written this long before YouTube exploded in popularity I was disappointed that I couldn't find the commercials I was talking about so I could provide a link or at least some screen captures. Now it seems that there isn't much left that can't be found on the Internet. Here they are:

Quizno's "We Love The Subs" Commercial

Quizno's "Coupon" Commercial

Levi's "Elevator Fantasy" Commercial

Links to the covers are a bit trickier since the best I can find are just 30 second clips. It's hard to judge something in 30 seconds, but at least it gives you an idea.

Less Than Jake's "I Think I Love You" Cover

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones' "Sweet Emotion" Cover

Rancid's "Bob" Cover

Also, I've discovered how wrong I was to believe Less Than Jake were the kings of covers. The true title belongs to the Me First & The Gimme Gimmes. If you can withstand 30 seconds of these and not enjoy yourself then, uh, I guess we have different tastes in music.

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

1 adventurer found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : commercials, music