I never really thought about how violent the mascots for kid's drinks were. Kool-Aid Man's extensive property damage is nothing compared to the antics of the star of today's article. Punchy's sole purpose in life was to shill Hawaiian Punch. He'd approach people with a tall glass of the refreshing beverage in hand and ask "How about a nice Hawaiian Punch?" It seems innocent enough since after all he does have a glass of the punch in question. The victim invariably agrees. Instead of quenching their thirst Punchy cracks them in the skull. It's not clear that Punchy is of Hawaiian descent so I'm not too sure about the Hawaiian component of his punch. Maybe Hawaiians have a special technique they use when punching people that Punchy has learned to master. In any case Punchy is the anti-Trix Rabbit of the mascot world.

I can't lie. I was never a big fan of Hawaiian Punch but not because I was afraid that people would hit me when I asked for it. My biggest concern was the name. Fruit Juicy Red. Red is not a flavor. On top of that an examination of the ingredients reveals that none of the juicy red fruits included in that variety of Hawaiian Punch were neither red nor produced red juice. Why am I writing about an abusive mascot and drink I didn't like? Because together they produced one of the best games of my childhood.

It doesn't seem like a game designed to advertise something would be any fun, but Hawaiian Punch The Game is an exception. Honestly I can't be sure that's true since the only other product sponsored board game I know of is the K-Mart Blue Light Special game and I've never played it. Maybe it's fun too. I can bet it doesn't have Play-Doh though.

Actually it wasn't really Play-Doh but a harder-clay like substance. At the start of the game players shaped their wad into a pineapple token using the mold designed to look like a can of Hawaiian Punch. Not a soda can but one of those two quart metal cans that you had to poke a hole in to pour the juice out. Do they even make containers like that anymore? Anyway, in addition to the squishy pineapple each player also received a matching colored plastic Punchy figure. This is important.

Gameplay was your standard kid's game of spinning, moving, and following any directions on the space. What sets it apart is what happens on those unlabeled squares. Each space corresponds to one of the player's colors. Land on someone else's color and they get to powerfully pound your poor pineapple with their plastic Punchy. Hooray for alliteration. When you only play with two people it isn't bad since the unused colors become safe havens, but with four people playing everyone winds up moving flat shapeless blobs around the board.

Apart from the spaces that direct you forward or back two squares, there are two other types of instructional spaces. The first is remold and just like it sounds allows you reshape your flat piece of clay back into its pineapple shape. The other is size check and its true purpose, like my instructions booklet, is lost. I do remember that there is a penalty if you land on a size check space and your piece extends beyond the size of the square. I don't remember if it's simply moving back so many spaces or the dreaded return to start.

Overall Hawaiian Punch is a fun game. I liked it as a kid and it stood the test of time when we dusted it off during a recent holiday gathering, which is more than I can say about the Tetris board game. If you wind up playing with a group of adults I'd suggest implementing a rule that Punchy can't be over two inches above the target before the player starts smashing.

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

1 adventurer found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : food, toys