Cows. I'm not quite sure when my obsession with them began but I'm pretty sure Gary Larson had a hand in it. How can you not like cows? They're funny to look at and they taste great both in solid and liquid form. But I've often wondered if they ever get tired of people yelling "Moo" at them as they speed along the highway. I recently found my answer. Cows invaded my city. Sure it was promoted as all in good fun, even going as far as calling it "Cow Parade", but I knew the horrible truth. The cows were coming to extract their revenge. Let's take a look as some of the more devious infiltrators.

Some cows went for the obvious route of just putting on human clothing in an attempt to fit in. I'm not sure if you've ever seen a cow sitting on a park bench in the middle of downtown, but it's not the most inconspicuous thing. The second cow may have had more luck had he not covered himself in Silly Putty and rolled around on the newspaper.

Another cow thought he'd infiltrate society in a civil servant job. I'm not sure how he filled out the job application without opposable thumbs but he managed to get a job with the post office. He thought it was the perfect cover. He didn't take into account the dogs. No one ever does.

While cows have a hard time passing themselves off as humans, they do much better impersonating everyday objects. Woe is the drunk that stumbles up to this bar. You would think that the fact that it only serves moo-tinis would clue them in to the lurking dangers though. Not so much with the so called rollercowster. It even has all the proper safety harnesses. Sure the cow looks like it's having fun, but that tongue isn't dangling in the breeze as it flies down the tracks. It's licking its lips, having devoured another helpless soul in the search of an E-ticket good time.

World domination isn't a solo job. Why do you think all those James Bond villains never manage it? Cows have studied this and know they'll need some help. Some cows found a helping hand in the form of bears. Don't laugh. Bears are considered the ninjas of the animal world. How else do you think Yogi gets all those picnic baskets?

So far the attempts that we've seen have been pretty mild, but now things have changed. I managed to stumble across the training grounds for the cow special forces teams. Why disguise yourself as a human or object when you can just disappear? At least that's what the recruitment posters said. The cows in training haven't quite made it to that point but they're getting there. Their specialty is camouflage. Next time you water the plants around the office keep your eyes open.

I've saved the most horrific revelation for the end, since if I had made it in the beginning you may not have kept reading. The cows have developed weapons and it's not just rocks or sticks or rocks tied to sticks. It's much worse. Cow bombers. Take a guess at what they use for ammunition. Yeah. And you though birds were bad. To make matters worse there are even some cows that have learned to shoot lasers from their eyes. We're doomed.

Though there may be a ravenous herd of cows seeking our destruction, through all the horror I managed to catch a glimpse of one cow that knew its place in the world. That cow could serve as a shining beacon of hope for all of mankind.

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

0 adventurers found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : oddities