I've had something on my mind for quite some time. Even with the vast resources of the internet at my disposal I haven't managed to unearth any information in my quest. I had even begun to question whether I had made up one of my fondest childhood memories. Then over the holidays while searching my parents attic for some of my old toys I stumbled across a box full of old papers, which not only exposed that my pack rat ways began at a young age but also contained proof that my memories weren't false after all. Join me now as we travel back in time to not only expose one of my greatest disappointments but also help those that may be googling Transformers: The Movie mail-in get the information they're looking for.

As a kid, getting mail outside of the normal card giving holidays was a big deal, especially if it was actually addressed to you instead of just saying current resident. When something from the Transformers showed up with my name on it, my young mind was blown. I recall getting this before having heard any mention of the upcoming movie and the onslaught of trailers during every commercial break. My days and nights were spent analyzing the mysteries within. Even looking at it now brings back a flood of nostalgic memories. The only difference now is that I can see the gigantic marketing ploy that I fell for as a kid. Let's take a closer look at this mysterious booklet.

Even the outside of this booklet was pretty amazing. While most mail comes in a boring envelopes that at most might have an interesting stamp or post mark, the people at Hasbro spared no expense. They also spoiled what might have been their greatest plot twist with putting a transformed Unicron right on the cover. I guess they figured kids wouldn't figure out the giant planet called Unicron had any connection with the robot of the same name. For the kids that weren't lured in by the pretty pictures on the front, the back of the booklet was covered with bullet points that would surely appeal to their more analytical mind. It also promised "Transformers Excitement." What I want to know is why didn't that little robot posing as the postage appear in the movie? I would have bought a Bulky figure.

The first fold of the booklet exposes a tantalizing taste of what to expect if we convinced our parents to shell out the money for movie tickets. A giant planet muncher will threaten Cybertron, Optimus Prime might be a wuss, Megatron is still evil, but may join forces with Unicron in order to work the buddy sitcom angle, and the chosen one will rescue them all as long as he realizes he's the chosen one. The page is bursting with shocking revelations but my attention was always drawn to the picture in the upper left. Who were all these robots and what happened to all the regulars? The new wave of movie transformers hit the shelves just before the movie was out, so at least the who question was answered. As to all the regulars, the first five minutes of the movie would take care of the what question. They're all dead.

The next fold opened to the hidden agenda of this booklet. Buy our stuff. It actuality it wasn't too different from the little pamphlet that came stuffed in the transformer boxes offering goodies in exchange for robot points with the exception of two major changes. It was quite a bit larger and it offered something those pamphlets never could. It offered up the leaders of the warring factions, Optimus Prime and Megatron. Why is this a big deal? Couldn't these very figures be found in any toy store? Look a little more carefully. What is offered here is the "movie version" of both Prime and Meggy. Also notice that anywhere it appears "movie version" is always in quotes. You'll find out why soon enough.

Of course I had been taken in by the entire production. Who knew a piece of folded paper could be so persuasive? I don't remember how much begging I had to do but I eventually struck a deal that enabled me to get one of these fabulous "movie version" offerings. Considering I had neither as a plain regular version it must have been a difficult decision. I opted for Megatron since my Decepticon roster was a little slim and I figured maybe a bit of leadership would help boost morale. Points collected and shipping paid, all I had to do was sit back and wait for my prize.

For six to eight weeks my mind worked overtime to imagine what would make my new acquisition so special as to earn the title of "movie version." Then the deluge of trailers began. It didn't take many viewings of a cracked and broken down Megatron announcing, "it's over Prime," before I worked out what would make my toy the most coveted of the schoolyard. Battle damage. I could hardly contain my glee when one fine day, a large brown box with my name on it showed up at our door. Was it everything I had hoped for?

If there really were versions of Optimus Prime and Megatron with intricately detailed battle damage, wouldn't word have spread to kids across the country side, and eventually fetched a king's ransom on eBay? What I found inside that plain box was a very ordinary Megatron. The only thing that marked him as a "movie version" was a little certificate and a very large sticker that I wound up putting on the inside of his leg. Sure I was disappointed at first, but a new toy was a new toy. Soon Megtron was leading his outnumbered Decepticons to victory. I don't remember how the storyline of owning both Megatron and Galvatron played out though.

Twenty years later I can see Hasbro's motivation behind all of this. Kids wouldn't want to buy the toy of a dead leader when Galvatron and Rodimus Prime are on the shelves. The only way to empty the warehouses of old stock was to offer the corpses as special versions. I'm not sure how many other kids fell for their trap. It couldn't be many, since my meager internet search didn't turn up even a scrap. Now, thanks to my pack rat ways and my massive stash of toys in my parent's attic, the story can be told.

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

0 adventurers found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : toys