Zoos are interesting places. They provide an opportunity to learn about animals you don't see in your everyday life, unless you happen to live on the African savannah or you work as a zookeeper. But I doubt zookeepers spend their day off at work and I haven't heard good things about the availability of the internet in the savannah, so I'll continue to assume you don't spend you day hanging out with marsupials.

There's one thing zoos have more of than animals and that’s plaques. I'll skip the flossing joke and just tell you to ignore these things. They may seem like a great source of information about the animal that is balled up at the back of the cage sleeping, but what if something exciting happens while you're reading about how the animal spends most of its time sleeping curled into a ball. It might shift in its sleep and you'd miss out.

Instead of spending your day at the zoo reading, use your eyes for watching. You can learn all you need to about the animals by just listening to the people around you. Some might consider this eavesdropping and a bit rude, but no one will know unless you point and laugh at them.

Here are a few animals I learned about during a recent trip to the zoo.

African Penguins. They're not just for Antarctica anymore apparently. Also some of them were retarded because they spent their time staring at rocks instead of swimming around like their friends.

A Warthog Named Pumba. Or maybe it was his brother or cousin. I'm not really sure. I left before the argument was finished.

A Really Large Dog. I am so glad I was set straight on this animal. For years I've been calling them cows. Boy, do I feel foolish.

Unicorn. No, I won't tell you which zoo I was at. I don't want it overcrowded with people gawking at the unicorn. Its secret is safe with me and that little girl that kept yelling about it.

I also learned how to tell the difference between a male and female chimpanzee. That should come in handy at the next Chimp Social. I can't believe I danced with that guy for hours last time and no one told me.

Finally and probably most importantly I learned that Dippin Dots are kosher. It doesn't really help me any but maybe some of you out there might have been wondering.

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

3 adventurers found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : food, places

Washington: I told her, "Look lady, I don't know how I got in here and frankly I'm just as shocked as you are."

Roosevelt: That's disgusting!

Washington: But unfortunately true.

Lincoln: Ok, people let's settle down. I've called this meeting because I've learned of some news.

Jefferson: Is it time for another redesign already?

Lincoln: No, this is something far more serious. I've learned there is talk about getting rid of one of us.

Roosevelt: Is not me is it? Oh, it's probably me. I can't help it I don't conform. I'm drinking milk every day to help me grow big and strong. You'll see.

Lincoln: Calm down, Frank. It's me they're after.

Roosevelt: Oh, well then...

Jefferson: ...perfect sense...

Washington: ...no big deal.

Lincoln: That's all you have to say?

Washington: What did you expect?

Lincoln: I expected your support. I expected us to rise up together to fight this, but I should have known. None of you can put yourselves in my shoes. You don't know what it's like to be left behind for strangers to do with you as they please. You haven't been left buried in the dark places on this Earth knowing no one will bother to look for you. You don't know what it's like to fall and no one even has the decency to stop to help you up.

Sacagawea: I know how you feel, Abe.

Lincoln: Quiet, you.

Jefferson: I think you're taking this too seriously. You've had a good run. Maybe it's time to think about retirement.

Lincoln: Never. Mark my words, Jefferson. When I'm gone you'll be next. You'll all be next until none remain.

Washington: There's no way they would get rid of me. I'm the biggest.

Kennedy: Don't be so sure about that.

Washington: Oh, uh... I... Um.

Kennedy: I know. You forgot about me. Everybody does. But soon it will be my turn in the spotlight.

Jefferson: You don't mean...

Kennedy: That's right. I've been behind it all along. My ingenious plan will phase all of you out in the next fifteen to twenty years.

Roosevelt: You monster!

Lincoln: But why?

Kennedy: We're a lot alike, Abe. I've felt the scorn and disgust of the world. But unlike you, there is no place for me in it. And it's time I get my revenge.

Washington: But you plan will most likely destroy you as well.

Kennedy: Don't you see? It doesn't matter anymore. Muhahahahaha...

The Bell: *ding*

Lincoln: Oh. It looks like our time is up. I guess we'll have to continue this at the next meeting.

Kennedy: Same time next week?

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

3 adventurers found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : oddities

I'm going to talk about burgers. They've been on my mind a lot lately thanks to an onslaught of commercials from a fast food burger chain whose mascot has caused thousands of people to sleep with weapons under their pillow just in case they "wake up with the king."

You've probably seen them, ads featuring burgers consisting entirely of meat and cheese. And then you start wondering did I just see Tattoo? And then the next time you see the commercial it ends differently, so you can't be sure. But then you see the commercial where you though you saw Tattoo, but he isn't there. Then you begin to question your sanity until finally you see the commercial one more time and there he is, Tattoo. But isn't he dead? Yes. Yes, he is. Apparently this burger is so amazing it even gives life to the dead. With a message like that I had to have one.

After having one I wondered why Zombie Villechaize would allow himself to be involved in such a project. When a burger is only comprised of two things those two things better be good. The cheese was good, but honestly is there such a thing as bad cheese apart from a slice that falls into the little crack between the counter and refrigerator when no one notices and starts to fester after a week. The meat didn't live up to expectations and considering it comprised more than 50% of the burger I wound up a bit disappointed.

But lets get back to the mystery of why a dead man is appearing in commercials. Is it a Hervé Villechaize look-a-like or was Tattoo digitally ripped from his island paradise to help shill burgers? Check out this video around the three minute mark to help you make up your mind. I also found an article claiming he's a digital reproduction, and newspapers never lie, right? So there you have it, if you're famous and dead you never know what you may end up endorsing.

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

2 adventurers found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : commercials, food

Here is a collection of quick thoughts that really don't deserve their own post. You could argue that they don't really even deserve this one. Look, a three-headed monkey.

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I once saw an old woman at the mall. She was colorblind. How do I know? She was wearing a green dress. The rest of her outfit was perfectly color coordinated to match. Jewelry, purse, even panty hose were a complimentary shade of green. Except her shoes. Her shoes were pink. A pink some might even describe as being hot. I can only imagine her husband at home sitting in his recliner still snickering.

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I own a house near a school. It's close enough that some day I expect to have this conversation with my son.

"Why do I have to walk to school?"

"Because it's not even a block away."

"But what if it's snowing?"

"Then you can honestly say to our kids 'Quit complaining. When I was your age I had to walk to school through the snow.'"

"Did you have to walk to school?"

"No, I took the bus. I'm not a savage."

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I once saw a blind man accidentally hit a man in a wheelchair in the head with his cane. To make matter worse, the man in the wheelchair was deaf. The blind man genuinely sorry tried to apologize while the deaf man offered him some sign language everyone can understand. This when on for a while until both realized nothing was being accomplished. As he turned to leave the blind man started waving his cane and struck the deaf man. Again. In the head. It's not nice to laugh at the handicapped but sometimes you can't help it.

cravipat escaped the blue labyrinth long enough to write this.

3 adventurers found their way to the golden castle.

Words uncovered in the catacombs : oddities